I was recently told, without hate or negativity, that they saw being gay as a choice.
What was probably a harmless confession to make, to me felt like a brick being thrown to my face, without warning.
Because if being gay is a choice, that means that I chose to give up on my human rights growing up and all my life to this day. That in some cases, and in some countries, people are choosing to not even have the right to freedom.
“As of recent data, there are 67 countries that criminalize homosexuality.”
To live.
“At least seven countries have laws that penalize homosexuality with death.“
To be safe.
“Research shows less than half of LGBTQ+ people feel safe holding their partner’s hand in public.“
That we chose to live a life in which getting close to people means trusting that they won’t reject you simply by the gender of the people you love. And this includes our own families.
I have been trying to find anything else that can quickly change what should have been unconditional love to a very narrow offer of tolerance if you shield them from the negativity that who you are causes.
All of this is the modern world we live in, and it’s only better now because previous generations had to painfully fight for things to change, for mentalities and views to move forward from what people thought thousands of years ago.
Even in the country I was born, Spain, they only stopped putting people like me in jail on 1978 and in the UK, in 1967. So if being gay is a choice, it only leaves room to believe that all the homosexuals that died in jail, they did so by choice.
That all the people executed, imprisoned or castrated, for who their heart tells them to love, they did it by choice.
I grief all those loses, for how lonely it would have been to live in a world that thought they didn’t deserve to be free. I know of their stories because at every stage of the way, I had to deal with the aftermath of that mentality, even in a lesser degree. And it is one of the ways I have to honour what they went through.
They gave theirs life for me.
But if being gay is a choice, it only leaves room to signify that I still somehow decided to put myself in danger, that everyday I actively choose to make my life more difficult to meet people, a partner, a family and to have a future that might contain happiness, even with that heavy weight.
That I had the possibility of doing what most people do, and enjoy the benefits that are given to other people, but I decided against it. The right to matrimony, the right to adopt, the right to be equal part of a community.
I cannot be silent while I know people around me keep saying that we are all equal while telling me that I choose to not have the same rights that you have. That I could, but I don’t, choose to make myself your equal.
That way of thinking just puts the blame on me, and I will never accept that.
I need anyone that thinks this to hear, to read, directly from me and without a shadow of doubt, that it is not my choice. That if there is a higher power, they made me this way. It’s my nature, not my choice. That’s what I know. Because no one ever gave me the choice to be straight either. That if this way of thinking lets you remove yourself from the issue, you probably will do the same with other forms of discrimination.
And the only real choice I ever had, if any, was to choose to lie. That is the only choice I see. Not to STOP being gay. I will never be able to choose to stop being gay. I have seen friends try and I know, personally, of people that killed themselves because they tried to stop being gay. Because they listened to people that think this way. Instead, I try to see a world that has all the tools that provide REAL equality as a default, not as a personal responsibility to earn. That’s why I choose happiness and kindness everyday, regardless of if it will come to pass.
I cannot let you say that you believe in a society in which we are all equal. We are not. Will you tell those people, and me, that I will never be your equal because I chose to?
The reason why homosexual people (and other types of sexuality that are not straight) have more probability of dying alone, is not because we are homosexuals. It’s because other people make our lives so miserable, that most of us don’t see the point to continue living such a hard life. Because we loose family, friends, jobs and opportunities for prosperity purely because they don’t want to be associated with people like me. Because a lot of them HATE us. It doesn’t matter who we are or what we do, some people will never let us be ourselves or display our happiness in public without reminding us that we don’t deserve it. That they don’t want to see us smile.
So for everyone that thinks this way, it doesn’t matter if you don’t fully agree with them. They agree with YOU. Think about that. Think about the people in YOUR life that don’t just believe it’s a choice. They believe is a BAD CHOICE that needs to be punished. And you will be friends with them anyway, because you will never care enough to ask them that question.
I am not gonna allow things to be agree to disagree in ALL cases. Even if anyone thinks that should be the case, I will then force upon them that they don’t believe in equality, unless we all CHOSE to lie just to be like them.
I really hope that someday our children live in a world where we accept that some of us are born different, and that we have a voice to express that without anyone denying it. And more so without having met people like me and come to listen to their lives and their stories first. Because those problems come directly from these beliefs, and it’s not by accident. In my opinion, your views are part of the reason the world is like this for people like me. You don’t need to be the one taking away my rights, but in my view you are part of the group of people that watch it happen and look away or make excuses for it.
I don’t write this to change opinions. I write it because I can’t. Because it’s the only thing left when I am left to deal with those words now repeating in my brain every time I think of the times I have been discriminated.
And I don’t judge them for what they grew up believing in. But I do judge that they felt compelled to think, and say with absolute certainty, that their opinion weighs more than my whole life experience.
The truth is, my life is difficult because with every person that I meet, comes the risk that the moment they find out I am gay, they will be allowed to hate me, sometimes silently, treat me differently, tell me who I am or what I deserve or I don’t deserve, just because of that one thing.
Finally, to whoever read this, and to make clear what a choice is. I can tell you from real experience that is NOT MY CHOICE to be gay, but I can definitely confirm that it is YOUR CHOICE to believe that it is.
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